Random Insanity
by Dave Johnson -Dav Strife
Summary: A collection of funny Oneshot drabbles involving original characters from various existing fics causing mayhem. Chapter 13 is up! The Amazon has attacked and Aletia is alone. Dav is hunting Andrew while Zalak is getting lost on the small planet of Nooky…
1. Room for Mayhem

**Chapter 1: Room for Mayhem**

**Synopsis: What happens when Zen, Zalak, Ashura and Dav are shut in a small room with nothing to do? Get on each others nerves of course!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen and Zalak, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively.**

**Zalak: Property..?**

**Dav S: We'll talk later……**

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"ZALAK, LEAVE THAT ALONE!" Zen yelled loudly.

"Make me…." he said playfully.

"I will!" Dav said as he charged at the demon who hadn't noticed the blonde attack. Zalak had Zantetsuken in his hands, using it to cut up his sandwich. Dav tackled him to the ground and they wrestled for the sword, each having both hands on the long hilt. Zalak stubbornly didn't let go of the sword and was now flailing his right fist to try and whack Dav off of his own sword. In retaliation Dav extended his arm and pointed his palm toward Zalak's head whose eyes grew wide at the impending doom that was to follow.

"You wouldn't… would you pal?" Zalak pleaded.

"… BURN!" Dav yelled as a large ball of fire shot from his extended palm and exploded on contact with Zalak's head. "AAAAAAHHHHH" He yelled as ran around in circles with his head on fire.

On the other side of the room Zen and Ashura were playing battleships.

"B6"

"Miss, G2"

"Hit… damn…"

"G1"

"Miss, A3"

"Hit"

"B4"

"Damn, you sunk my Floating Fortress of Destruction…. Or battleship"

"I win… unsurprising though, your strategy was predictable, your moves amateurish and your style unacceptable" Zen stated while reading from his 'How to Taunt Balance Characters' handbook.

"Well… I er… You are an idiot!" Ashura taunted in retaliation like a child.

Zen flicked through a few pages of his book and then glared at Ashura "Well in that instance you are a stupid baboon who cannot successfully string together a coherent sentence built around a central object with several references to grammatical terms including semantic fields and contransic circumstances"

"Umm… I'm going to beat the hell out of you now.." Ashura said slowly, completely confused about what had just been said.

"Before you partake in brutish and un-necessary thuggary we should converse on what facilitates your need for wanton destruction when ever your feeble mind becomes fogged by the mist of stupidity" Zen stated again from his book.

"I am... I have... I er...". A strange popping sound followed Ashura's mumbling and then his head imploded and then grew back within seconds of disappearing. He then jumped out of the window and landed head first which then promptly exploded again.

"That really works well… wouldn't work on me though!" Dav grinned with confidence as Zen flicked through his handbook once more.

"…Pudding…" Zen whispered to Dav simply.

" OH NO NOT THE DREADED KILLER PUDDING, WE ARE DOOMED, RUN AWAY!" Dav then hid in the closet while waving a palm tree around erratically chanting a fake incantation believing it to repel all pudding!

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Thanks for reading. Don't forge to R R if you liked it! In fact review if you don't.


	2. Shen Gong Whoa!

**Chapter 2:Shen Gong Whoa!**

**Synopsis: Set just after the events of Chapter 2 of 'The Hunter Becomes The Hunted' where the gang had their butts handed to them in a three second fight! They try to figure out what to do when Dav and Ashura discover the joys of Shen Gong Wu! (Sort of a spin off from The Time Has Come by Smurf Chan!)**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen and Zalak, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively.**

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"At least we know what we are dealing with. A psycho villain who has the ability to control demons and fights better than the four of us put together, so… any ideas then?" Dav said while holding an ice pack to his head where he received a nasty wound.

"It appears we are far too weak to combat such as evil. Perhaps we should find a suitable location and train" Ashura replied nursing both a hurt side and a bruised ego. "I heard there is a really out of the way world where warriors of the utmost skills and abilities live. Maybe we should try and get there"

"A good plan. Who is going though?"

"Count me out" Zen said bluntly.

"Huh? Why not?" Dav asked slightly surprised.

"Because Zalak has tried to kill me and my friends on many occasions. So why the hell do I have to help him?"

"Well, we fought before and he swore he'd kill me and I don't see him making any effort" Dav responded

"Maybe" Zen stated and then walked out of the room where they were talking.

A8A

Both Dav and Ashura were leant against one of the walls of the main temple watching the Xiaolin Dragons both new and old training furiously.

"I don't get it. These guys seem to master only one element each where as I can use many. I was taught to use spells like Firaga and Thundaga but these guys use different skills. Then to top things off there's this thing here" Dav said as he held up one of the Shen Gong Wu, The Sword of the Storm. "Lets see how this thing works… Sword of the Storm!"

Ashura looked on as the golden blade that Dav held in his hand began to glow slightly and then spin rapidly like a propeller. Powerful gusts of air were expelled from the sword which sent everything in the winds way into walls and onto the floor breaking as they did. Ashura seemed curious as he held up his own Wu, the Sphere of Yun and chanted its name loudly. Suddenly it expanded to five times its size and encased Dav in an impenetrable gold and see through sphere. Dav seemed surprised as the bubble appeared around him and glared at Ashura who now was on the verge of laughing at his friend's misfortune.

"You wait 'till I get out of here Dragoon. I'm gonna kick yur butt!" Dav yelled in a very muffled yell. "THUNDAGA!" Searing thunder bolts rained down within the bubble and struck Dav, even though it was his own attack. Laughing, Ashura chanted the mystical artefact's name and it returned to its original size with Dav now seething at being incarcerated. He found two almost identical armguards and put them on, not knowing what they where.

"The wind warrior said they were called the Moby Morphers or something like that" Ashura said while inspecting the Fist of Tebigong.

Nodding Dav brought his arms together and shouted "Moby Morphers!". The two armguards snapped together as he yelled their name and formed a bigger almost shield like shape. However Dav's body began to distort and change shape and soon he was no longer the tall, strapping warrior he once was but now looking like Zalak with blood stained teeth and sharp claws.

"What the hell!" The Zalak-Dav yelled in a voice similar to that of the original.

"You now have the appearance of the demon we are supposed to assist" Ashura said stating the obvious but clearly getting enjoyment out of Dav's ignorance to the effects of the Shen Gong Wu. Another voice rang out from behind the two, the young warrior of wind that told the two about the Wu earlier. She also had the Reversing Mirror with her. She chanted its name and Dav quickly faded back into his normal body.

"I suppose you still haven't learned which are which" Aletia said grinning with Zen stood behind her also sporting a small smile.

"Unlike the incompetent boob next to us.." Ashura began while Dav again glared at him "…I do not sport pure ignorance. I do know from your other wind friend that this one in my hand is a powerful artefact that enhances one's fighting abilities…. Manchurian Moosca!" Ashura's body began to mutate to that of a fly and shrink into a very small size. Eventually he became a small rather odd golden fly that buzzed around Zen's head in a worried daze talking in a really quiet squeaky voice. Dav now wore a grin so wide it made the Cheshire Cat's look like a frown. The two experienced Wu users backed off as Dav extended his sword so it pointed out in front of him while still sporting a maniacal grin usually found on Zalak.

"Grivaga! Grivaga! Grivaga!" he yelled while laughing.

Several big black orbs floated down toward the ground from the height of his head, crushing whatever happened to be unfortunate enough to be under them. Ashura the Human Fly darted around frantically in the air to avoid the powerful orbs of death! As the magic continued to be cast the Texan dragon of Earth Clay approached the mayhem and spotted the fly.

"Those varmints are as annoying as a clown at a bull rodeo!" He said earning confused looks from both Zen and Aletia. Dav even stopped trying to kill the Ashura Fly to look questioningly at Clay. The Earth Warrior then stomped really hard into the ground shouting "Seismic Kick, Earth!". A huge crack appeared in the ground and ran toward the Ashura Fly who was now stationed on a rock to catch his buggy breath. Dav turned to Clay while holing his sword and the Sword of the Storm threateningly.

"Hey, only I can attempt to kill Ashura the Human Fly! Tongue of Si Ping! _Squirrels from all over the world, attack!"_ An army of rabid Squirrels appeared from every nook and cranny and charged toward Clay who had a look of pure shock on his face. Ashura Fly meanwhile had landed on the now discarded Sphere of Yun after avoiding the earth attack completely and squeaked its name. Clay and the army of squirrels became trapped within the globe. The now cheesed off rodents attacked Clay in a gigantic dust cloud still within the bubble.


	3. Channel Hopping Psycho

**Chapter 3: Channel Hopping Psycho**

**Synopsis: Zalak is bored and so turns to television to find mental stimulation… however he will find out more about his evil cohorts than he needs to…**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen and Zalak, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Yami-Yugi, Seto Kaiba, Joey Wheeler and Dartz all belong to Sheonen Jump! Aletia belongs to A.M.MC and May belongs to AprilDayz!**

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Dartz: Your souls will feed the Great Leviathan, starting with you Pharaoh!

Yami-Yugi: You will not succeed Dartz! We will defeat you one way or another!

Seto Kaiba: Silence you pompas windbag and duel already!

Yami-Yugi: You have no idea how much is at stake in this duel Kaiba!

Seto Kaiba: Spare me your mumbo jumbo Yugi! Lets beat this wannabe and resume my quest for the God Cards!

Joey Wheeler: Dats right Yuge, lets trounce this guy an' go home

Seto Kaiba: Shut up Wheeler, you're a snivelling dog and a third rate duellist!

Joey Wheeler: Oh yeah rich boy? At least I ain't stuck up like you! The Great Seto Kaiba, the loneliest rich guy in the world

**CLICK**

Announcer: Now It's time for the reality TV show 'Who Wants To Be A Marooned Celebrity in the Middle of Manhattan'

**CLICK**

Commercial: Is your house infested with demons or your back yard full of uninvited door to door salesman? If so then Dav Strife is the man to call. He will get rid of Heartless, Demons, Lawyers, Tight Fisted Shop Keepers, your arch enemy, people with the name Henry and anything else you need 'removing'. Simply call 555-4352 and get your Strife's Strifed!

**CLICK**

Aletia: Hello! Welcome to our new show Shen Gong Wu Wuvealed. In today's show we will explain how the Woozey Shooter and the Silk Spinner work so you don't have anymore Wu related mishaps!

May: Umm… Why will the viewers want to know how to use the Woozey Shooter and the Silk Spinner?

Aletia: Well, they may be fellow Wu hunters.

May: But we have the Wu here. So that means the guys at home will not have the Wu and will not need to know how to use it. So in retrospect, this programme is pretty pointless…. Oooooohhhhh a pretty butterfly that looks like Raimundo, mine!

Aletia:… And that folks is how to use The Woozey Shooter!

**CLICK**

Newscaster: Breaking news just in! We have received reports that another robbery has taken place, this time of a Shen Gong Wu vault in the Xiaolin Temple. Eye witnesses say that the robbers were very distinctive in appearance. One had dried blood on his teeth and red hair with black highlights. Another had spiky blonde and carried a Samurai Sword that the first robber kept trying to touch. The last robber was apprehended however after he laughed too much and flew right into the door of the vault chamber, his name is Jack Spicer… self proclaimed boy genius. The police believe that the two escaped robbers were part of the second biggest crime syndicate led by notorious criminal and all round bad guy Chase Young. The group is second only to the Evil Gang 'Mew Mew' If you know anything about the crimes please call…..

**CLICK**

Choir: The heroes of fics all gather here, to talk to each other and have a beer. They are ready for what ever comes, for they are the warrior Chums!

Dav Strife: Hiya guys, whats going on today?

Dav has just walked into an open set American two bed roomed flat where Zalak, Josh Vavra, a slightly less evil looking Chase Young and Ashura are sat watching the TV>

Zalak: babes… free porn…. Alliyah?

Zen: WHAT!

Zen yells from off set and then runs into the sitting room from one of the "bedrooms">

Dav Strife: Wow, she is H O T hot! In an evil, gonna kill you sort of way…

Aletia: What's the fuss?

She exit's the "bedroom" where Zen was>

Aletia: ….Um…What?  
Everyone except Zen stares at her in shock>

Ashura: Were you and him just…. Eugh! I need a beer! I'm going to the bar, anyone coming?"

Chase, Dav, Josh: YES!

Zalak: …..

He stares at Aletia expectantly>

Aletia: Oh! Slap>

Ashura: Come on demon boy…

Ashura leaves after the others dragging a grinning Zalak with him>

Zen: Now let's get back to having some "fun"

Crowd oooooooohhhhhh's>

Aletia: giggle

Aletia and Zen run into the bedroom from whence they came and giggling from Aletia could be heard. Zalak slips back through the door and sneaks a look into the bedroom. Zen and Aletia are sat on the bed watching a DVD of Zalak singing with a hair brush in front of a mirror>

Zalak: Hmph!… free porn….

sits back in front of the TV>

**SILENCE**

"There is nothing on TV… lets see whats on the XXX channel… BLOCKED, WHAT THE HELL!" Zalak shouted from his seat in his room in Chase Young's lair.

"I had the adult channel blocked because I am evil and it is an evil act towards you…. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…..Wuya, my chambers now, I'm feeling in the mood for some fun!" Chase shouted from the door way of Zalak's room.

He then disappears into his room followed by Wuya who half shuts the door leaving a crack so you can just see in. Grinning Zalak creeps up to Chase's door and peers inside to see what fun the Heylin Duo are having. Seductive laughter can be heard from inside the room making Zalak want to know what is happening even more. Peering inside he sees Chase stood up admiring himself in a full length mirror dressed in a pink floral number with a blonde wig and pink handbag. Wuya is stood behind him dressed in a doctors outfit complete with Stethoscope and doctor's bag. Laughing so much Zalak falls over clutching his ribs and breathes in between fits of laughter. Finally he composes himself he stands up and runs from the room.

"Josh, get your butt here and see this!"

"This better be worth it demon!" Josh's voice came from round the corner.

He finally appears and looks into his masters room and shrugs at what he says. Zalak finally notices that he is also wearing a dress, this one a lacy black number. Zalak could be seen running from the lair in terror as Omi looks on in a sports bra and G-string!


	4. A Duel To Far

**Chapter 4: A Duel To Far**

**Synopsis: To pass time in between showdowns Zen, Zalak, Dav Strife and Jack Spicer take part in a two on two duel Yu-Gi-Oh style to see who has the better skills….**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen and Zalak, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Jack Spicer is property of Christy Hui who owns the whole concept of Xiaolin Showdown!**

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"Okay, bring it on. You issued the challenge so I'll start the proceedings…." Dav said confidently as his duel disk activated and he placed his shuffled deck into the disk slot. "Here we go" he added after drawing five cards from his deck.

Dav Strife: 8000

Zen Taijiya: 8000

Jack Spicer: 8000

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

"Go, Axe Raider in attack mode" (Axe Raider 1700/1150) The axe wielding warrior appeared in front of Dav. " I play two cards face down and end my turn"

"Alright, no one can beat Jack Spicer, evil boy genius! I play Guardian of the Throne Room in defence mode" (Guardian of the Throne Room 1400/1600) "Then I power it up with Machine Conversation Factory giving it a 500 point attack and defence boost!" (Guardian of the Throne Room 1900/2100) "Your move!"

"Hmm… I lay three cards face down and end my turn" Zen stated seriously.

"Scared Zenny? Well lets go, Rabid Beast of the Night!" (Rabid Beast of the Night 2000/350) "I put two cards face down… now my beast… attack Zen directly with Vicious Night Bite!" The giant mutated wolf bounded over to Zen at high speeds while snarling and dripping foam from its mouth. "STOP!" Both Dav ad Zen yelled at the same time, two face down cards making themselves known, one per team mate.

"Activate Bountiful Artefact! This magic card allows both Zen and I to draw up to three monster cards each as long as they are the same attribute as the attacking monster and we pay 800 life points each. That okay with you?" Dav asked Zen who replied with a nod and proceeded to look through his deck as their life points went down.

Dav Strife: 7200

Zen Taijiya: 7200

Jack Spicer: 8000

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

Dav drew out of his deck Dark Warrior Being (2500/1200), Big Bang Magician Man (500/500) and Kuribo (300/200). Zen drew The Evil Beast King Zamilia (2900/2100) and Living Skull (1500/300).

"My card next, Infinite Dismissal! Your beast is frozen for one turn"

"Meh, who cares. I end my turn"

"My turn…I can end this duel in two turns. First I play my other face down card Brain Control to take control of Jack's monster" The Guardian switched sides appearing next to his Axe Raider.

Dav Strife: 6400

Zen Taijiya: 7200

Jack Spicer: 8000

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

Next I activate Change of Heart of take control of Zalak's beast and then immediately sacrifice my three monsters to summon one of my strongest monsters… Eternal Chaos Dragon!" (Eternal Chaos Dragon 3200/2700) "Now my dragon, attack Jack directly with Emerald Fury!" The huge midnight black dragon reared its head back and then shot a beam of emerald fire at Jack who screamed like a girl as it hit.

Dav Strife: 6400

Zen Taijiya: 7200

Jack Spicer: 4800

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

"Face down magic card activate!" Zen yelled almost happily. "Ghostly Reunion! Any monsters destroyed or used as tributes in the last turn are brought back to life on my side of the field at a cost of 700 points per monster!" The three discarded monsters appeared in front of Zen who smirked at Zalak who glared back.

Dav Strife: 6400

Zen Taijiya: 5100

Jack Spicer: 4800

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

"I now end my turn… Jack, your move" Dav informed as Jack drew a card from his deck.

"Hahahaha! I play my newly received card Machinery of Victory which allows me to instantly bring my best card the Mecha-Machine Warrior to the field as long as I have 2000 life points to pay for it! Oh yeah, who rules baby!" Jack Chanted happily as the machine type appeared on the field. (Mecha-Machine Warrior 2700/3000)

Dav Strife: 6400

Zen Taijiya: 5100

Jack Spicer: 2800

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

"Thanks to its special ability it can gain 500 attack points for every machine monster in all graveyards so I discard my Yaiba Robo!" The giangantic machine grew larger in size as its attack points rose. (Mecha-Machine Warrior 3200/3000) "Go, attack wolf boy's Axe Raider with Double Cannon Blast!" The cannons on the monster's back began to charge energy within the barrels.

"Activate Shrink magic card!" Zen yelled as the machine opened fire on his Axe Raider.

(Mecha-Machine Warrior 1600/3200). The machine's attack bounced off Axe Raider's weapon and impacted with itself, destroying Jack's only monster.

"AH! My monster! My beautiful monster!.. I end my turn.."

Zen drew a card from his deck and frowned slightly. He then silently placed the card facedown on the field and ended his turn.

"That it? Ah well Zenny-Chan, not to worry, I'll destroy you in this turn!" Zalak said while drawing a card. "Hmm… I use the Polymerization I just drew to fuse the two monster cards in my hand… Fiend Flame Swordsman (1800/1600) and Vampire Lord Vlad (2300/2000) to create Vampiro the Fiend Sword of Darkness! (2800/2800) and then I use this magic card to power him up! Dormant Souls! It jacks up the attack of Vampiro for every Vampire Lord Vlad in my graveyard! Vampiro the Fiend Sword of Darkness (3100/2800).Now attack my 'dear' brother's Guardian!. The tall Vampire knight jumped into the air and brought its blood red sword crashing down on Zen's monster, lowering his life points and destroying the Guardian of Throne Room.

Dav Strife: 6400

Zen Taijiya: 3600

Jack Spicer: 2800

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

Zalak then set one card down on the field facedown. "That's me done for now!"

"My go… I activate the magic of Give and Receive! In exchange for gaining control of Zen's Axe Raider for one turn I half my life points and add them to his!" Zen looked at Dav surprised as their life point counters changed.

Dav Strife: 3200

Zen Taijiya: 8300

Jack Spicer: 2800

Zalak Taijiya: 8000

"Next I sacrifice Axe Raider to summon Cyber-Tech Alligator (2500/1600) in attack mode. Lets see how you fare now Zalak! Eternal Chaos Dragon attack his jumped up goth with Emerald Fury!" The massive black dragon expelled a massive green flame from its mouth which destroyed Zalak's Vampiro the Fiend Sword of Darkness.

Dav Strife: 3200

Zen Taijiya: 8300

Jack Spicer: 2800

Zalak Taijiya: 7900

"Next my Alligator attack him directly with Cyber Jammer Claw Swipe!" The mutant dragon swiped at Zalak knocking him to the floor. He glared at the monster as it returned to its position in front of Dav.

Dav Strife: 3200

Zen Taijiya: 8300

Jack Spicer: 2800

Zalak Taijiya: 5400

"I finish by sending Cyber-Tech Alligator to Zen as a result of my magic card!" The dragon shifted positions to stand menacingly in front of Zen.

"My turn losers…. Rats!… Well, I play Beta the Magnet Warrior in defence mode!"

(Beta the Magnet Warrior 1700/1600) The miniscule warrior appeared in front of jack in a defensive position. "Now I activate my magic card Magnetism Exorcism! It allows me to take all monsters with the word Magnet in their name from my deck and special summon them to the field!" Jack shuffled his deck after removing three cards from his deck. Alpha and Gamma appeared next to their magnet brother and all began to glow. "Now combine to form Valkyrion the Magna Warrior!" The three monsters began to detach their various body parts which then joined together to form the newer monster (Valkyrion the Magna Warrior 3500/3850). "Now attack blondie's dragon!"

"Not so fast Jack" Zen countered pointing to his last remaining face down card. "I activate the Reaper's Bounty! Both Dav and myself take all magic cards from out decks and pick out two random cards from each other's piles. The two sets of magic cards are then placed back into our decks and shuffled" Both team mates sifted through their decks and did just as the magic card dictated. Zen received Snatch Steal and Sword and Shield while Dav got Megamorph and Posatron Laser Cannon. "My card then allows us both to use one card each that we just received! I use the power of Snatch Steal on your Magna Warrior!"

"No you don't, Valkyrion the Magna Warrior disperse back into your separate monsters! Ha! Now your magic card has been wasted, resume your attack!" The warrior raised its sword in the air and struck the Eternal Chaos Dragon but instead of being destroyed the dragon countered with its own breath attack. This destroyed Jack's monster. "Wha! What happened?"

"You forgot about the card I was allowed to play!" Dav said with a grin. "I used Megamorph to double my monster's attack strength" (Eternal Chaos Dragon 6400/2700). That also means Jack that the difference between our monsters attack points is taken away from your life points!"

Dav Strife: 3200

Zen Taijiya: 8300

Jack Spicer: 0

Zalak Taijiya: 5400

"I was tricked! You cheated!" Jack screamed as he faded from the duelling arena.

"Your move Zen, this is getting easier with every turn" Dav laughed as Zalak glared at him.

Zen drew a card and then grinned which caused Zalak to look at worriedly. "I sacrifice Cyber-Tech Alligator and Rabid Beast of the Night so I can summon Mirage Knight in attack mode! (Mirage Knight 2800/2200). To finish things off I fuse my Knight with Dav's dragon!" Both Zalak and Dav looked at Zen in surprise as he placed Polymerization in his Duel Disk. The crimson armoured knight appeared next to Dav's dragon and then they melded together in a white flash. When the light disappeared the two monsters emerged as one, the knight now sitting on the dragon's back wielding a large flaming sword in one hand and a purple staff in the other. "Say hello to the Chaos-Flare Dragon Master!" (Chaos-Flare Dragon Master 4600/3000) "Now attack Zalak's monster and end its reign!"

"Not before I activate this trap card! Reverse of Reverse! It allows me to use the last magic card that one of my opponents used and I choose… Megamorph!" The chosen magic card emerged from the ground. "Couple it with the rebirth of my Vampiro the Fiend Sword of Darkness. Thanks to it's special ability it can return to my side of the field but it loses 700 attack and defence points for the privilege" The vampiric warlord remerged in front of Zalak bearing its teeth. Vampiro the Fiend Sword of Darkness (2400/2100). "Not to worry though thanks to Megamorph it has more than enough attack to destroy your Dragon Master! To finish I use the magic card Demonic Mirror, it doubles the effect of Megamorph!" Vampiro the Fiend Sword of Darkness (9600/2800). "Now attack the dragon!" The enhanced Vampire sliced clean through the Dragon Master reducing Zen life points greatly.

Dav Strife: 3200

Zen Taijiya: 3300

Jack Spicer: 0

Zalak Taijiya: 5400

"Our Dragon Master has a special ability if you didn't already know. When destroyed it returns my dragon to me and Zen's Mirage Knight to him!" Dav informed Zalak as the afore mentioned monsters returned to their masters. (Eternal Chaos Dragon 3200/2700) (Mirage Knight 2800/2200).

"That won't save you, I end my turn"

"Dav, the cannon!" Zen yelled at him as he drew a card.

Dav looked at the three cards in his hand and then looked at Zen. _This looks bad, I don't even know what this cannon does. Barrel Dragon and Slot Machine… These won't help… or will they…_

"By sacrificing monster cards you can attack your opponent's life points directly. The attack points of all monsters that are given up are added together. The resulting number is then taken from all other duellists in the game" Zen informed Dav to answer the question he was asking in his mind.

"Even you?" Dav asked worriedly.

"Yes, but we will still win the duel. Do it"

Okay… I play the magic card Posatron Laser Cannon, to give enough fire power I sacrifice my Barrel Dragon, Slot Machine and Eternal Chaos Dragon to give a damage rating of 7800! Go cannon, destroy Zalak and end the duel!" Zen braced himself as a huge silver cannon appeared on the field and the three sacrificed monsters disappeared into its barrel. The cannon then briefly charged up and then fired the hugely powerful round which struck all three duellists. All three Life Point counters reduced to 0 and the duel ended.

"What the hell, why did I get hit?" Dav questioned angrily.

"My previous magic card was a continuous one, it doubled the strength of the cannon and the attack became to powerful and got us all… heh heh, we drew!" Zalak laughed happily as both Zen and Dav glared at him.

"…Who says we just beat him up?" Dav questioned with a menacing grin.

"…Okay!" Zen replied happily

"Umm… gotta go!" Zalak yelled as he ran with his bother and a mercenary on his tail.


	5. The One Winged Angel of Ass Kicking

**Chapter 5: The One Winged Angel of Ass Kicking… **

**or **

**It's Ice to Fight With Friends**

**Synopsis: How does Zalak insulting Chase Young lead to the gang having to fight for their lives against Sephiroth?**

**Authors Notes: Just so you know this takes place after my fan-fiction 'The Balance' and after Dark Lord Sigma and MASmaster Zalak's fan-fiction 'Tsubasa: Xiaolin Chronicles' At least I've wrote some kind of fic with Sephiroth in it!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron,they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.**

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Their swords clashed loudly causing sparks to fly in all directions. Jumping backwards Sephiroth swung his long bladed sword at his opponent's head. Dav leapt forward in a roll to evade the deadly strike. Raising his own sword he lunged toward the former SOLDIER general aiming for his abdomen. Spinning to the side of the attempted strike Sephiroth kicked out at his blonde opponent and caught him harshly in his jaw. He landed on his back roughly as the silver haired psycho jumped in the air and pointed his blade at the flawed mercenary. The sword broke the ground where Dav laid merely seconds before the sword reached the ground. Getting back to his feet quickly Dav threw worried glances in every direction but Sephiroth had disappeared. Dav found himself flying into a wall painfully as Sephiroth drove his shoulder into his back. Not wasting any time the silver haired general swung Masamune at the stunned blonde who dropped to the floor and rolled away to get some distance between him and his opponent. _Offence is the best form of defence_ Dav thought to himself as Sephiroth closed the gap between them in seconds. Sephiroth moved to strike Strife vertically with his sword but Dav counted by slicing upwards at the sword itself. Both warriors pushed with all their might to gain dominance over the other but Sephiroth was easily winning.

"How did Cloud manage?" Dav said through gritted teeth as Sephiroth increased the pressure pushing against Dav's sword.

"You are too weak to stop me, I will return the planet to mother and now Strife is gone there is no one to stop me" The former general said through a sadistic smirk.

To Dav's surprise Sephiroth moved backwards and stopped applying crushing pressure to him and instead began to back off. In the blink of an eye he had spun round and brought his sword down to attack a new target in the form of Ashura. He had both hands over his head with Masamune pushing against his armguards aiming for his head. Dav ran forward to help his ally but as quick as before Sephiroth turned back round to face him and planted a powerful black boot into Dav's stomach. He then knocked Dav to the ground by smashing Masamune's hilt into his face. Ashura tried hitting Sephiroth with a jumping kick while his back was turned but he ducked and used his massive swords hilt to uppercut the experienced fighter in the face which caused a snapping sound to be heard and blood began to pour freely from his nose. Sephiroth then flashed his blade in the now partially recovered Dav's chest and opened a large gash which also began to bleed severely.

Zen and Zalak were next to face Sephiroth as they both charged at him from different angles. Zalak managed to land a punch in Sephiroth's face which produced little effect as he effortlessly punched the demon away. Zen swung his katana at the mad man's face (Sephiroth's, not Zalak!) which was blocked and then repaid with a vicious attack which left Zen with three deep gashes in his left arm. After knocking the wolf boy away Sephiroth turned round to be met with two fists colliding with his face. Dav and Ashura, both covered in blood, stood opposing Sephiroth who could only smirk despite the numbers being against him. Grabbing one of his handguns Dav fired four times at Sephiroth who deflected three shots and then avoided the fourth which plunged into Zalak's arm who was sneaking up behind their foe. Biting back the searing pain from the red hot lead Zalak jumped and kicked Sephiroth away from the fallen Zen. All four fighters again charged the psycho but he knocked all four away quite easily.

"This was your stupid idea Zalak! Find your former mentor you said, get him to train us you said. Didn't you think that he would get mad seeing a guy who looks like his arch enemy!" Dav growled at the demon while slowly pulling himself up off the floor.

"I didn't think… I never do, that's why my life is so interesting!" Zalak returned while sporting a grin.

"Your thinking will get us killed!" Zen yelled who was now also back on his feet and looking tired.

"While we are on the subject of travelling… why is the demon still with us?" Ashura asked while watching Sephiroth intently.

"Well when we went back to Astanta to drop 'em off, Zalak called Chase Young a.. A Girly Faced Bubble Butt and we didn't have chance to drop Zen off before Zalak was back in the ship and Chase was with his minions outside wanting to kill him" Dav explained with a groan afterwards.

"We shall join that group shortly…" Ashura mumbled as Sephiroth sheathed Masamune and began to walk off.

"It was fun to have a warm up session with you fools but now I have to go and kill that Sora boy…" he said as he entered the lobby of the Olympus Coliseum.

"…Warm up…?" Was all Dav could say as the former SOLDIER disappeared from view.

"He's gotten stronger..." Zalak mused as Dav gawped at the door Sephiroth had just gone through.

"Ya know, I'm gonna go watch him slice that brown haired boy to pieces!" Zalak said happily as he ran to the main arena.

"Sora is gonna get his ass handed to him..." Dav said as he followed Zalak through the door.

A8A

The four stepped through the door to the main arena and took seats in the spectators stands as Sephiroth and Sora duked it out in the ring.

"We may be in danger sitting here" Ashura said in a concerned tone.

"Why?" Zen asked while watching the fight.

"The shield that normally appears around the ring isn't there anymore..."

"Oh crap…." Zalak said blankly as black energy balls began to fall from the sky and crash all around the ring.

"Meteor…." Dav and Ashura said in awe as the attack continued to pummel Sora.

"The boy is strong to survive this long against a man this powerful…" Ashura mused as Sora rolled out of the way of Masamune.

"He's gonna get killed, I'm gonna help him out" Dav yelled as ran toward the arena with sword drawn.

"I shall assist" Ashura shouted to him as the two brothers looked on, Zalak having a large grin on his face while Zen showed no expression at all.

"You again…. Prepare to die!" Sephiroth said calmly to the new entries.

Sephiroth swung at Dav's head but he parried with his sword and then counterattacked which was also blocked. Sora who was now back on his feet charged forward with his Keyblade extended out in front of him and hit Sephiroth directly in the back. He stumbled forwards slightly and then vanished instantly from view leaving only two black feathers that floated gently to the ground. He reappeared away from his opponents with his eyes closed muttering something. Ashura. Sora and Dav all dropped to their knees seconds later.

"what the… all my energy, I feel so weak…" Dav said breathlessly.

"It.. is one of his… specials…" Sora muttered while pulling out an elixir and downing its contents in one.

Dav pulled a green vial out from his pocket and drank the content which caused his body to flash green for a second. "Here" he said as he cast a cure spell on Ashura and himself.

"I'll distract him… then you guys attack…" Ashura said while running forward to meet Sephiroth was already half way towards reaching them. He punched out at Sephiroth but he span to the side and punched back with great force. Reeling from the attack Ashura stepped back and then kicked Sephiroth in the chest which then caused the silver haired man to stumble back. He then grabbed Masamune by both hands and swiped downwards at the Veteran battler who rolled to the side and then punched the ground while his fist was glowing white. Pure white energy in the form of a dragon head rose up from the ground and hit Sephiroth full force sending him into the air. Not letting up Ashura jumped up and then forward flipped into a double footed kick which launched him back toward the ground fast. However he disappeared once again leaving only two black feathers.

He re-materialised away from Ashura but had no time to recover as Dav had already rushed to where he was with sword ready. Slashing at Sephiroth's chest Dav then slid past the general and then slashed again. Sephiroth slashed horizontally at Dav's head but he ducked and then struck him once again in the chest with his sword. Jumping directly above Sephiroth, Dav held his sword downwards and aimed to strike at the general's head. At the last second Sephiroth moved to avoid the attack but didn't move quite fast enough and took the blade in the shoulder. Grunting in pain he vanished only to find the Keyblade master waiting for him. Sora swung the Keyblade in an arc and caught the general in the head which added to his pain. To finish Sora attacked Sephiroth with lightning quick strikes with the Keyblade, one after another, each one hitting their target. The final blow sent the former SOLDIER sliding across the floor who then finally came to a stop and didn't get up again for over a minute. Eventually standing up Sephiroth got up and simply looked at the victors with mako fuelled eyes. Silently he faded from the arena and glyphs appeared in the sky and then disappeared at the same time the general did.

Dav sat back down near Zen and Zalak while breathing heavily followed by a worn out Ashura. Sora simply waved at Dav and disappeared through the doors to the lobby to meet Donald and Goofy.

"I am never fighting him again…" Dav said in a tired voice.

"How were we able to deal with him more easily this time round?" Ashura asked the group who all seemed equally mystified.

"That is because the Keyblade master did most of the work before you even arrived. If you hadn't interfered he would probably have won as well" Came a voice from behind the group.

"Orachron… long time no see…" Dav said at the wizard warrior who nodded in greeting.

"Zalak, what are you doing with them? I thought you hated them?" Orachron questioned.

"Killing time" he replied bluntly as Ashura stood up in alert.

"What's up?" Dav asked lazily.

"Something evil is heading this way"

"Where have you been? Zalak has been here all the time, Sephiroth was just here and now Orachron who is pretty evil…"

"No, something much bigger…"

"Well, is it me or has become much colder in here all of a sudden?" Zen asked while looking at Orachron expecting him to do something evil.

"Maybe that is the reason for the temperature drop!" Orachron stated while pointing to the open roof of the arena. A large shadow loomed over the entire arena and then a massive leg made entirely from ice stomped directly onto the floor. Another leg followed and then the rest of the creature revealing the Ice Titan.

"Um… do we have to fight that thing?" Dav asked surprised at its sudden appearance.

"I am guessing yes…" Zen added while standing up ready to fight. As the entire group prepared to fight the doors burst open and Hercules, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Cloud and Leon all came bustling in with weapons ready.

"I told you it would be here" Hercules said seriously.

"Well, we have it outnumbered at least" Sora added with optimism.

"Cloud, its your brother over there with his friends" Leon pointed out while watching the titan who was still not attacking.

"Is this thing really going to be so hard that you need us all to beat it?" Sora asked Hercules who was watching the beast intently.

"Yes, the more we have the easier it will be… lets go"

The group of fighters all charged towards the Titan who reared back its head and shot a volley of large icicles at its attackers.

"Should we help?" Ashura asked while looking at Dav for answers.

"Well, I'm game" Dav said as he was already sprinting over toward the fight closely followed by Ashura.

"Come, lets see how your skills have improved" Orachron suggested to Zalak and Zen as he unhooked his Heartless Blade from his belt.

"Race ya!" Zalak shot back and then began to run to the Titan but was beaten by Orachron who travelled by a portal and arrived at the fight first with his Shadow Guardian folating behind him.

_Ah well… here goes… _Zen thought to himself as he ran to join the battle.


	6. Boys Just Wanna Have Nooky!

**Chapter 6: Boys Just Wanna Have Nooky!**

**Synopsis: The gang has been invited to speak on a chat show about their lives and they are waiting in the green room where they see how they fare with the ladies!**

**Authors Notes: I'm sure you'll find out if you don't already know what Nooky means! ;)**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. **

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Cheesy Chat Show Host: Thank you everybody and we'll be back after this break with our special guests Dav Strife and Zalak Taijiya!

Stage Manager:…..and cut! Will someone get the next guests ready please?

_In the green room_

Dav: Yeah, that's right. I was fifteen when I was attacked. I know, I was heart broken over the loss of my parents and my old girlfriend Terri…

Random Hot Woman: Aaaawww, that's so sad… wanna make out?

Dav: Sure…. Heh heh

_Across the room_

Zalak: Hey babe, I have a tragic upbringing… I slaughtered so many people and not once did someone say well done!

Other Random Hot Woman: You disgust me! _SLAP_

Zen: How do you manage it? That's three in the space of three minutes… Strife has had four women in that broom cupboard

_Dav returns from his cupboard adventure with lip stick all over his face_

Dav: Whoa… heh, that was fun… having any luck demon boy?

Zalak: Yup, I've had twelve under that table at once!

Zen: What? You've been shot down by… _Zalak gags him_

Dav: Really? I better go and get score somemore then.. _dashes off_

Zalak: Damn, now he's gonna get more girls….

Zen: _Inaudible sounds_

Zalak: Hey look... it's that large freaky dude who punches everyone!

_Ashura is leant aginst a wall with several girls surrounding him_

Ashura Fan Girl #1: Wow, you are so hot and gorgeous…

Ashura Fan Girl #2: Yes, you are sooo strong and handsome!

Ashura Fan Girl #3: A pure dream… _dreamy sigh_

Ashura:……………

Ashura Fan Girl #2: Ooohhh… a strong silent man…. Lets kiss him!

_All three girls pounce on him and it kicks up an anime dust could of lovin'_

Zalak: RATS! Well I know someone who would have worse look than me…. Orachron. Heh, I think he's gay… _semi-evil laughter_

Zen: _Inaudible sounds_

Zalak: Can't understand you with that melon in your mouth!

Zen: _Inaudible sounds_

_Zen grabs Zalak by the hair and slams his head against the green room window_

Zalak: I wish I was a fish….

_Chocobos running round his head until he finally regains consciousness_

Zalak: Huh… is that Orachron?

_Outside of the studio Orachron is being chased around in a circle by screaming fan girls with banners and signs saying We love you! and Come give me an Ora-cuddle you Ora-licious super villain!_

Zalak: Hmph! Well, I think its fate telling me that Alliyah is the girl for me…

Zen: _Spits out the melon at last _But what about the restraining order she has against you? Oh, and the fact she said _'I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last organism on earth…'_

Zalak: She's playing hard to get…

_A sexy voice can be heard directly behind Zalak_

Mystery Voice: You are soo sexy I could eat you all up!

Zalak: Well! Someone who finally loves me…. _Turns around to see a seven foot amazon woman with a hairy top lip and bushy arm hair_

Amazon Woman: Me want Nooky! Me take evil lover dumpling and make tough painful nooky to him all night!

Zalak:…Umm… I'm gay…

Amazon Woman: I see demon man with many girls before getting slapped in head…

Zalak: Well… you know us gays.. always hanging out with girls…

_Andrew Thomas from The Balance appears_

Andrew: You are..? You can be my new sex kitten! We can wear pink and have fun all day long in my pink and fluffy bedroom!

Zalak:……………. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. For the first time in my life I'm scared!

_Runs away with Andrew chasing him while waving pink pantyhose at him_

Zen: _Uncontrollable Laughter_

Amazon Woman: You look cute. Cute little kitten ears make man look like a sex kitten. Me make Nooky to you!

Zen:….. ZALAK WAIT!

_Runs off to find his brother while constantly looking behind him in a paranoid manner to make sure he has not been followed_

Amazon Woman: Well… me go find love with pretty blonde man in closet…. No where to run….

Hope you enjoyed this little oddity. I just thought having the team try their luck is something new! Don't forget to R R!


	7. Organisational Hazard

**Chapter 7: Organisational Hazard**

**Synopsis: We find Dav and Ashura strolling through the empty streets of the world known as Hallow Bastion trying to help get rid of the Heartless the world holds. **

**Authors Notes: Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron,they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.**

"Odd don't you think?" Dav asked quietly.

"What is?"

"Well, Leon and Sora both warned us about these Dusk things that are everywhere and yet I haven't seen one"

"We should think ourselves lucky" Ashura shot back absent mindedly

"Meh, why did we choose tonight to come here anyway?"

"You said you wanted to help Leon with the clean up operation here… All we have seen so far is nothing but darkness and run down shops" Ashura grumbled.

"Oh well… hey I've got a riddle for you… what wears a black cloak, glares menacingly and loves to fight?"

"…him?" Ashura asked with a slightly expectant look on his face.

"…Who?"

"That guy over there in the shadows…"

Dav glanced over to where Ashura pointed and found nothing but shadows cast by a dim light on the top of a wall.

"I think the absence of battle has fried your brain buddy, I'm going to check the Bailey out. See you in a bit" Dav said as jogged off into the night.

"Who are you?" Ashura yelled out into the shadows.

"……"

"Maybe I'm going mad… probably Dav's jokes and horrible one liners…" Ashura whispered to himself as he wondered off toward the Bailey.

Meanwhile…

"He always misses the action!" Dav laughed as he sidestepped a Soldier spin kick attack.

Cleaving it in half with his Buster Blade he then spun in a circle taking out three others. The last Heartless stood at its full height with its shield held out menacingly. Shrugging Dav zipped forward with his large sword held ready to strike but he stopped abruptly as the Heartless took a step back and turned its back on Dav.

"Wha…? Blanked by a Heartless?"

The Defender plodded off and stopped in a clearing where a man in a cloak was stood. The hooded figure raised their huge sword into the air and stabbed the Defender in the chest. Dav ran up to where the Heartless was slowly fading away and stood ready for battle as the hooded figure reached up and pulled the hood down, revealing very spiky blonde hair and a stoic expression.

"Cloud, are you crazy? I nearly killed you!" Dav yelled which earned a slightly amused expression from Cloud.

"I'm looking for someone…"

"Aerith? She went with Leon and Yuffie to Merlin's house"

"I know, I'm looking for… Sephiroth…"

"Oh….right… well hope you have fun with that"

"Don't you want to come?"

"Nope, way outta my league and it's your fight anyway, best not to involve myself"

"Fine. There was someone looking for you near the castle earlier"

"Ashura?"

"No, someone slightly shorter and she had a slightly crazy look in her eyes…"

"Right, must be Aaron, okay see you later Cloud"

Dav then waved to his cloaked brother and dashed off find Aaron just as Ashura ran into the clearing trying to find Dav but instead found hooded Cloud.

"Hmm… Dav's friend… Ashura right?"

"Well…. Umm…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm going crazy! It's the hooded figment of my imagination!"

"…Dav meets the weirdest people…" Cloud uttered as walked off to find the silver haired general.

As Ashura was calming himself down another robe clad figure entered the clearing with his hood down, none other than Orachron.

"Dragoon, I require a word" Orachron commanded.

"That is it! Hooded people all over the place! I'm taking the ship and going for a holiday…" Ashura yelled while flailing his arms all over the place.

"I hear the Order XIII lair is good… easy to relax and take your mind off whatever is bothering you" Orachron advised with a slight smile appearing.

"…REVENGE!" Ashura shouted.

He hefted Dav's Buster Blade onto his shoulder and then let loose a battle cry causing Orachron to run away. Ashura, with a deranged look in his eyes, raised the giant sword above his head and ran after the dark wizard while rambling about unicycle riding Shadow Heartless.

Dav meanwhile is stood at the castle gates surrounded by every type of Heartless who want his heart for their tea. Dav smirked and reached for his Buster Blade that was resting on his back. He grabbed around for the hilt and found only air and then finally realised his sword was missing.

"Oh poopy…"

R + R if you liked it.


	8. Turks, Guns and Insanity

**Chapter 8: Turks, Guns and Insanity**

**Synopsis: Dav, Ashura and Tidus have traveled to the distant and derelict world of Tracton… where they meet some unexpected people…**

**Authors Notes: Nothing to say except to enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron,they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.**

"You think its them?" asked a mysterious figure to another, both of who were stood in the shadows of a wrecked building.

"Give it time; let's see how they fight…"

"I suppose…" the first figure said, sounding slightly disappointed.

A8A

Dav Strife and Ashura Dragoon were stood in the middle of an abandoned children's play area. Debris and destruction were everywhere around with only a small slide left.

"This is sad…" Dav commented softly as he beheld the destruction all around them.

"After all the things you have seen and done, you think this is bad…?" Ashura returned quickly.

"We have company…" Dav whispered after a few seconds of silent contemplation as he reached for his sword.

A8A

"Think we've been spotted?"

"Yes, it would seem so… we'll do this your way then…"

"At last!"

"Oh… and Reno, don't go wild"

A8A

"Who are you?" Dav asked the pair threateningly.

"Where's your manners? Just like your brother…" the red headed man said with a grin.

Dav growled and reached for his guns, pointing both at the red head. Ashura stepped in front of him and held out his hand to stop Dav doing anything stupid.

"What do you want?" Ashura asked slightly calmer than Dav.

"Oh, the usual, retrieval of a target… mainly him" Reno said with a sudden aura of menace as he pointed toward the blonde.

"Enough Reno, just get the target" Rude barked from behind him.

Without a seconds hesitation Reno charged straight for Ashura while being apparently unarmed. Just as he reached the powerful melee fighter a metal rod slipped out of his sleeve and was aimed directly at Ashura's head. He moved to block it and caught the middle section of the rod with his left hand. Reno however just grinned and then flipped a small switch on the handle and a blue wave of electricity passed up the rod and through Ashura. While Ashura was stunned Reno slammed the rod into his face which sent him crashing into the child's slide in the background.

Dav drew his sword and was about to charge at Reno but the red head took a sudden flight backwards, almost knocking Rude over in the process. Dav glanced over to where Reno was stood and saw Tidus stood with his sword resting over his shoulder, a cocky grin on his face. Tidus then turned to Rude and advanced quickly with his blue sword pointed toward Rude's abdomen. Rude waited until the blade was centimetres from impaling him, stepped sideways and launched a powerful and accurate kick into Tidus' chest.

Reno meanwhile began to creep up with his EMR raised above his head to crash down on Dav from behind. While the blonde warrior watched Rude, (who had now had a dazed and angry Ashura to deal with) Reno swiped the custom made baton down at the back of Dav's head. Dav however spun around quickly with Zantetsuken drawn and parried the attack with ease. Reno lunged again at Dav but this time he stopped his attack at last minute and changed its direction, now aiming the rod at Dav's head again in an attempt to fool his opponent. The blonde caught the red head's attack however with his hand but instead of grabbing the rod he grasped Reno's wrist with his free left hand to foil any shock tactics. He then brought Zantetsuken up and cracked Reno in the chin with its black hilt while at the same time releasing Reno's wrist which resulted in him falling backwards onto his back painfully.

Dav turned his back to the two melee fighters who were now exchanging and parrying each other's attacks. He then noticed that another person in the same indigo uniform was running at Tidus with her fist held by her head ready to nail the young messy haired blonde in the head. Tidus saw the bright blonde haired woman approach and held his sword out at her legs and she fell over the blunt part of the blade. However before she hit the ground she held out her arms over her head and instead of crashing to the ground she used the momentum of her fall to spring into a handstand. While standing on her hands she aimed a kick at Tidus' head who ducked to avoid it and then back pedalled to avoid another attack from the psycho blonde girl.

Ashura by this time had Rude's arm twisted behind his back and then lifted the Turk into the air to flip him on his head. Rude however had other ideas. He used his free hand to grab onto Ashura's shoulder while in mid air and grab the main pressure point in an effort to be released. Ashura held the big Turk in the air for a few seconds but the pressure on his shoulder was too much and he let the big fall to the floor and he landed on his feet. Immediately Rude threw a strong right hook at Ashura's head but he knocked the fist away with his right hand and hit Rude in his nose with a left hook. The trademark sunglasses that rest neatly on his nose cracked and broke under the pressure of Ashura's punch. Although nursing a throbbing nose Rude frowned as he noticed the remains of the glasses on the floor. He threw an angry look at Ashura followed by another punch but it never landed. Dav had ran up behind the Turk and elbowed him in the back of the head which sent him landing face first onto the broken concrete of the park. Rude groaned in surprise as Dav sheathed his sword and nodded towards Ashura who was flexing his still aching shoulder.

" I had to, this was getting old. How's the shoulder?"

"Fine. I am more concerned about who these people are… That and Tidus' whereabouts, where did he go?"

"Over there, see?" Dav answered while pointing toward a tree where the blonde attacker was leant panting heavily while Tidus was grinning again at winning his fight. "He never changes. Right, to business then Ashura. Go for the red head, he looks like he'll break first"

Ashura nodded in agreement and stalked over to where Reno was just getting back to his feet. He reached out to grab Reno's suit to drag him up but a new voice grasped his attention.

"That will not be necessary" announced a new figure. The man had light blonde hair and wore a full length white coat that flapped slightly in the low breeze. The only reason Ashura didn't grab out to get Reno was because the man in the white coat had one white sleeved arm tightly around Tidus' neck with a special kind of shotgun held to his head. "I think there has been enough chaos already. I'm Rufus Shinra, president of ShinRa Inc and you are coming with me…"

Dav and Ashura both tensed their muscles as if waiting for an opening to save Tidus who didn't look as worried as you'd think.

"Hurt one hair on his head and you'll be eating that shotgun" Dav growled which earned a satisfied and sly grin from Rufus.

"Bold words from someone who holds none of the cards, just like that brother of yours"

"What about him?" Dav asked angrily.

"Well, he's the one I'm after but we need bait and so you are coming with us…" Rufus grinned smugly, almost enjoying the moment.

"You think we will negotiate with you?" Ashura asked, secretly trying to cause a distraction.

"Sorry, distraction tactics are useless against me… OW!"

Rufus released his grip around Tidus' neck as the mucky haired blonde bit his arm. Using the distraction Tidus then drove his right elbow into the President's chest and then kicked his left leg backwards into Rufus's lower abdomen and pushed off from the blonde, putting a little distance between him and Rufus. Regaining his composure Rufus lifted his shotgun into the air but lowered it again a few seconds later because both Dav and Ashura had guns pointing at his head.

"You were saying?" Tidus asked mockingly, adding a wink at the end adding to Rufus's humiliation.

"You three, do something!" Rufus snapped to the Turks who were now stood watching the President.

"Sorry boss, your on your own. We've had enough, were going solo!" Reno informed the President with a grin. Elena and Rude simply nodded and turned their backs on the President, leaving Reno behind.

"No hard feelings huh Strife?" Reno laughed nervously.

"…Suppose not, no. Good luck with whatever you guys do, your good fighters. Sure you'll do fine" Dav said with a slight grin.

Reno nodded and jogged off after Rude and Elena while Dav turned back to the President who was now missing.

Turn your back for a second…" Dav muttered, faking disappointment.

"Should we go after him?" Tidus asked while punching at an invisible target.

"Nah, let Cloud deal with him… now… where is that thing we came for…"

"You never actually told us why we came to Tracton anyway…" Ashura started but quietened down as he saw Dav kneel down to pick something up. Dav held up a small shining metal object toward the sky and examined it.

"What is it?" Tidus asked excitedly.

"…A bullet… we came nine hours in a gummi ship from Hallow Bastion to find a single bullet?" Ashura roared, glaring death at Dav.

"Hey, these things are expensive… I'll get running now… AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Dav ran off into the distance being chased by Ashura while Tidus looked on in hysterics.

"Heh… and they call me stupid…"


	9. Toilet Drama

**Chapter 9: Toilet Drama**

**Synopsis: Dav has gone to bed while on a trip back from a mission so he has left Ashura in charge of the ship, this is going to make some fun for Tidus.**

**Authors Notes: Very short I know but I was short on time, anyway, enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron,they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.**

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"Come on A, let me drive!"

"No"

"Please!"

"No"

"… Please!"

"…………"

"Does that mean yes?"

"NO!"

"But why, I'm a good driver!"

"…The last time Dav let you drive this thing you crashed it into the side of Monstro!"

"It got in the way"

"We were heading for Halloween Town!"

"So I got a bit off course big deal!"

"Go away and stop bothering me!" Ashura yelled at Tidus without taking his eyes off the space in front of him.

Defeated Tidus stalked off to the back of the small ship and sat at one of the two desktop computers that the ship carried. The next two minutes of the inter-world trip went without incident until Tidus found Dav's music collection that he stored on the computer. Ashura took his hands off the steering console and pushed a few necessary buttons on the dash board when his head nearly exploded with loud dance music. Grumbling profanities to himself Ashura glanced to the back of the ship and saw Tidus miming the words to the song.

"Tidus! Shut that music off or at least use headphones!" Ashura shouted loudly, barely audible over the pounding music.

"What?" Tidus questioned quietly with a smirk on his face.

"Turn it off!"

"Come again?"

"TURN THE DAMN THING OFF!" Ashura finally exploded in anger.

"Fine, no need to shout" Tidus moaned with the smirk hidden behind his hand.

Ashura rubbed his temples to try and stem the headache that was quickly forming. Tidus meanwhile had been reduced to searching the cupboards of the ship for anything to entertain himself. He came across a cupboard that had a padlock on it to stop anyone getting at its contents. Tidus's curiosity got the best of him so he froze the padlock with the ice magic he knew and smashed the padlock into pieces with the hilt of his sword. Opening the cupboard quietly to avoid alerting Ashura to what he was doing his eyes grew wide as he saw what was kept in it. Four different shotguns were placed on shelves with their shells next to them neatly in boxes. Grabbing the biggest one off the shelf Tidus held it in his arms and pointed it in Ashura's direction.

"Ashura?" Tidus spoke quietly.

"What now…" Ashura asked annoyed. As he turned around he noticed the gun and suddenly his calm demeanour was shattered and replaced with fear. A hyper teenager and a powerful close range weapon in a pressurised ship… oh boy. "Tidus… be sensible and… put that down…"

"Why?"

"It is a dangerous… weapon and… I don't want you… to get hurt… so just put it back, okay?" Ashura asked nervously.

A devious grin crept onto Tidus's features and he put his most fearsome glare on and scowled at Ashura. "…Make me!"

Something inside the melee fighter snapped and he began to growl in anger at Tidus. It didn't matter that Tidus had a loaded weapon his common sense and disappeared with his patience. Without warning he pounced on Tidus and knocked him to the floor, the gun landing harmlessly on the computer chair. As they wrestled on the floor of the ship a door opened behind them and a tired and frustrated looking Dav emerged as if he had been woken from a nice dream and was not too happy.

"Ashura what is that…. WHAT THE HELL!" He yelled as he looked down at the fighting duo.

Both Ashura and Tidus froze from their spots on the floor at the vicious sounding voice. If there is one thing you do not do you don't wake a sleep deprived sword wielding Keyblade master under any circumstances. Dav's gaze travelled from the discarded shotgun to the fighting pair and then to the ship that was not being flown by anyone… and this ship did not have auto-pilot.

"Explain…" Dav hissed to his squabbling allies.

Tidus leapt on the chance and crawled up to Dav and hid behind him. "It was Ashura, he was flying the ship when he swore at another ship so I told him it was wrong. So he smashed the pad lock took the shotgun and threatened me with it! I managed to get it from him so he tackled me to the floor and tried to kill me!"

Ashura's eyes widened in surprise as Tidus smirked at him from behind Dav who could not see his devilish expression. Ashura then looked at Dav who was about ready to disembowel both of them for waking him up.

"Its true Dav! I swear… would _I _lie to my bestest buddy in the whole world!" Tidus asked as he made puppy dog eyes at Dav who's expression seemed to suggest that he believed him.

"Dav…I…" Ashura began but was cut off by a particularly nasty scowl from the irate blonde.

"How could you…" Dav began, looking at Ashura. His gaze then shifted to Tidus who had the expression of an angel. "…do something like this… Tidus!" Ashura's face quickly changed from a look of grim defeat to one of sheer amusement as Tidus backed away from Dav slowly.

Dav then burst out laughing that caused the other two to catch on and they all roared with laughter. "Ahahahaha… heheh… heh… oh, and Tidus… you have to clean out the toilet for that…"

"WHAT?" The young dark blonde yelled in astonishment.

"…with only a cloth…"

Dav and Ashura again broke into uncontrollable laughter as Tidus grimaced at the punishment he had to face for annoying Ashura.

_No more fizzy stuff before a trip in future_ Tidus thought to himself as he knelt over the basin of the ship's toilet.

A/N: R + R if you enjoyed it!


	10. Casa Del Nooky Part 1

**Chapter 10: Casa Del Nooky pt1**

**Synopsis: Zalak receives a free weekend at a top luxury spa… but is everything as it seems?**

**Authors Notes: My first two part story in this series of comedy and action one shots! Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron,they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Deep in the lair of Chase Young, Zalak is planning his next evil move…

"I'm bored!" Zalak yelled, despite that there is no one in the room with him. "What does an evil genius like me do to get either a sexy woman to 'play' with or a person to kill?" He continued, again to no one in particular.

"Zalak, you demented fool. You have mail…" Chase announced as he appeared out of thin air in Zalak's room.

"GAH! Don't do that Chase-baka!"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing… what was that about mail?" Zalak asked sheepishly trying desperately to change the subject.

"Yes, at last a postman decided to deliver here after 1000 years. Now I must leave and…"

"And plot how we kill the dragons and rule all worlds?"

"No, I must go and sort through 100 decades worth of junk mail and bills… What do you mean 'all worlds'?"

"I meant… all of the world… yes, that works!"

"Enough you babbling fool!" Chase turned his back on Zalak and left the room muttering to himself.

"Jerk…" Zalak whispered quietly.

"I HEARD THAT YOU WORM!" Chase yelled all the way from his throne room.

_Mail… the first letter I've ever had! Apart from that one when I stayed at Spiky's for the night and nearly destroyed his house…_ Zalak chuckled at the memory of Dav Strife running around in a panic as his sofa caught fire. _Let's see…_

Zalak ran one of his clawed fingers under the flap of the envelope and tore it open. Inside were two pieces of paper, one a small piece of card that had fancy gold lettering on and the second had official looking black typed font on it. He read the second paper out loud.

_Dear Mr. Z. Taijiya,_

_You have been selected for a free weekend getaway to our exclusive spa and relaxation resort 'Casa Del Nooky'. The owners of the resort Ms. Mazano and Mr. Hotsma welcome you to the resort as a contest winner and look forward to your arrival. Transportation to our five star resort has also been arranged for you to pick up outside of your current dwelling at 1100 hours. The flight will take on average two hours so you are advised to bring something with you for the trip. _

_Looking forward To Your Arrival_

_R. Pearson._

_(Contest Winner's Liaison) _

"At last, a bit of good luck! DAMN IT! Its already 10.56!"

Zalak darted around his room packing a suitcase for his trip. He arrived at his wardrobe that was built into the rock of the bedroom walls and swept aside the black curtain that kept his clothes dust free. There in front of him were several suits hanging on the wall that were all exactly the same. Grabbing them all he shoved them into his old looking suitcase and then knelt beside his bed. Reaching underneath he grasped two dolls and pulled them out and shoved them into his case. They were not normal dolls by any means, they were voodoo dolls of Dav Strife and Zalak's brother Zen.

Traversing the many hallways Zalak finally found the main entrance and saw a small quite smart looking black Gummi Ship resting on the ground below the evil lair. With one inhuman leap Zalak jumped down to the ship and landed next to it… on his head. He pulled his head out of the small crater he had made and shook himself to remove dirt and dust. Noticing the ramp that allowed access to the ship Zalak grinned at the thought of a weekend away from Zen and all the pesky dragons where he would be pampered by lots of beautiful women. Strolling up the ramp confidently he noticed that the interior of the ship was a simple beige with the same coloured leather seats adorned with plush head rests and a bottle of champagne ready to be drunk in an ice bucket beside it. Almost laughing he jumped onto the chair and stretched his legs out onto the chair's built in leg rests.

"Perfect" Zalak uttered as he took the champagne, bit the cork off and took a swig from the bottle like a teenager drinking cider in a park at night.

"Not exactly" came another voice from behind him.

Zalak nearly choked on his latest mouthful of alcohol when he realised Zen was sat behind him in an identical seat holding an invitation. Zalak set the expensive drink down angrily and swung his chair round to meet Zen who was looking equally as annoyed.

"What the hell are you doing here wolfy? This is supposed to be my weekend away from YOU!" Zalak yelled to Zen who feigned offence.

"Well, excuse me Zalak, I thought this was MY weekend away from YOU!"

"I'm not having this!" Zalak stood up and stormed off to the cabin to 'speak' with the captain or pilot.

As he entered the cockpit he noticed the absence of both pilots and chairs. The only thing that was showing any signs of life was a small black box which was blinking with a small red light. As if on cue of Zalak arriving a screen descended from the ceiling and a single green line appeared on the monitor's surface. It stretched across the screen horizontally like a heart rate monitor.

"GREETINGS PASSENGER, I AM AUTOMATED PILOT SIMULIA 3 AND I WILL BE FLYING YOU TO CASA DEL NOOKY TODAY. PLEASE LEAVE THE CABIN AREA AND RETURN TO YOUR SEAT WHERE I WILL ADDRESS YOU AGAIN" The robotic voice requested.

"Make me you bucket of bolts" Zalak retorted with a smirk.

A8A

Zen meanwhile had brought a magazine with him and was reading it while Zalak had disappeared. The cover had the title 'KUNAI MONTHLY' in big red letters. However behind that magazine Zen had another magazine named 'Strife Fandom Magazine'. Below the title it had a caption with a picture of Dav and Cloud Strife in combat stances holding their biggest swords standing back to back. The caption said 'All a Strife fan needs to know about the intrepid brothers'.

As he continued to read his concealed literary text Zalak came flying through the door he had disappeared through a few seconds earlier with a jack-in-the-box style boxing glove implanted in his face. He hit the floor with a thud as the ramp retracted back into the ship and the door slammed closed.

"The damn pilot is a computer!" Zalak yelled as he picked himself up off the floor.

"I know" Zen said smugly.

"Why didn't you tell me!"

"You never asked 'dear' brother" Zen replied still acting smug.

Zalak simply muttered to himself and slumped back into his seat. But a smirk soon crept onto his face as he looked back at Zen.

"Latest issue huh?"

"Yeah…" Zen uttered in response.

"What do you think of the weight modifications to the S2 standard type kunai star?" Zalak asked his brother intent on causing as much trouble as possible.

"Its good…" Zen answered absentmindedly.

"I made that up…"

"…That's nice…" Zen stated ignorantly.

"How's Davey-chan's fan mag then?"

"Not bad, it tells you how he fights with his different weapons… oh… damn" Zen held the magazine upto his face to shield his embarrassment as Zalak burst out laughing.

"What the hell are you doing with that?" Zalak asked through fits of laughter.

"Found it on the seat when I arrived so I thought I'd try it out. Its good actually but half of the battle techniques he uses are not real…"

"Who cares!" Zalak yelled while still laughing uncontrollably.

A screen similar to the one Zalak yelled at appeared at the front of the room, this time from the side wall rather than the ceiling.

"GOOD MORNING PASSENGERS. I AM…"

"Get on with it!" Zalak yelled to the screen who fired a small explosive charge at Zalak which exploded on contact and Zalak was coated in a layer of ash thanks to the explosion. Weakly he waved at the screen to continue.

"AS YOU KNOW WE ARE NOW FLYING TOWARD CASA DEL NOOKY FOR YOUR WEEKEND OF FREE TREATMENT BY THE SPA'S EXPERT STAFF. THIS FLIGHT WILL TAKE AROUND TWO HOURS SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR FLIGHT. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND ENJOY THE RIDE"

The screen folded back to the wall and Zalak looked at Zen who was whispering to himself.

"Casa… Del… Nooky… does something sound familiar to you?"

"Nope" Zalak blurted out as he picked at his ear stupidly.

"But even these names sound familiar…"

"Just read your magazine Dav-fan-girl-boy"

"That made no sense you idiot"

"What? I wasn't listening"

"Ugh, imbecile. Computer, what can we do for entertainment?"

"IF YOU DESIRE I CAN ACTIVATE THE TELEVISION FOR YOU" The computer voice responded emotionlessly.

"Fine"

The same monitor that spoke to them before folded out once again and the screen became a centre of activity. A logo was displayed on the screen which was a simple 'TV' sign.

"WHAT CHANNEL WOULD YOU PREFER?" The computer questioned it's more polite guest.

"Try the Anime channel" He said blankly.

"AFFIRMATIVE. CURRENT PROGRAM… YU-GI-OH… SYNOPSIS REQUIRED?"

"Yeah, I suppose"

"A two on two duel of intense action is taking place on the world of Astanta. Teen heart throbs Dav Strife and Zen Taijiya facing off against his evil brother Zalak and Jack Spicer."

"Stop, it's a repeat, don't even show the channel!" Zalak shouted from the background.

"Yeah, I hate the ending anyway, too tacky. What's on the drama channel?"

"BOO!" Zalak added at the thought of drama.

"SCANNING… DRAMA CHANNEL… THE HUNTER BECOMES THE HUNTED… SYNOPSIS REQUIRED?"

"No, geez, anything that doesn't involve Dav Strife or us two?" Zen questioned wearily.

"SCANNING… THERE IS A PROGRAM ON THE COOKERY CHANNEL 'HOW TO BAKE THE PERFECT CAKE'. CARE TO VIEW?"

"I suppose"

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" Came Zalak's response who was now asleep upside down in his chair.

The screen finally gained a proper picture and the opening credits were still rolling. It showed a perfect four layer chocolate cake on a pine table. The presenter then strolled onto the set wearing a black suit with a matching apron that read 'I AM EVIL' on it in red letters.

"_Good evening, my name is Orachron the Magnificent! I am here today to show you, the average foolish mortal how to prepare a spectacularly delicious and EVIL cake for you to choke your family members on!"_

Orachron walked up to a kitchen worktop laid with ingredients and looked back into the camera.

"_First you will need 500 grams of chocolate and a knife to cut it with. Cut the confectionary into little squares ready for melting" _

Orachron removed his Heartless Blade from his belt and raised it above his head. Despite the worried glances of the floor staff Orachron gained a psychopathic gleam in his eyes and stabbed downwards while yelling "_RETURN TO DARKNESS YOU EVIL FATTENING SUBSTANCE_". Like a madman he stabbed and slashed the chocolate and work surface repeatedly eventually chopping the wood in half. Several people ran upto Orachron and jumped on him trying to restrain him but he continued to stab the evil chocolate. As the screen faded out Orachron raised his sword again while one smaller man was hanging off his arm like a scared kitten.

The screen now sported a TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES slogan on it. Zen and even Zalak who had woken up were staring at the TV in disbelief.

"We never speak of that again right?" Zen asked his brother quietly.

"Never again…" Zalak uttered in a freaked out tone.

Zen ordered the computer to turn the television off and then settled into his chair for an hours sleep before they arrived at their spa getaway. Zalak had waited until Zen was asleep and crept over to him. He reached over him to the magazines on his arm rest. Zalak's hand hovered above the two for a second and then Zalak grabbed the Strife Fandom Magazine and rushed back over to his seat.

"I've waited for this issue for ages!" He said to himself excitedly as he opened the first page and began to read.

Meanwhile in a dark office sits two mysterious figures watching monitors with scenes from inside the ship…

"They are coming my dear…"

"We have them soon…"

"Yes, we shall… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"


	11. Casa Del Nooky Part 2

**Chapter 11: Casa del Nooky pt2**

**Synopsis: Zalak and Zen have arrived at the resort but what is in store for them and why is Dav making trouble on Astanta?**

**Authors Notes: Part de Seconde, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. Aletia belongs to A.M.MC!**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**We join a pissed off Dav on the hunt for a certain demon on the world of Astanta…**

Dav swept across the hilly landscape of Astanta with the urge to kill swimming around his head. His destination is the temple of the eight Xiaolin dragons. Angrily he reached the gates of the temple and shouldered them aside, completely ignoring the security monks that had come to restrain him. Batting one aside with his arm he charged straight into the room where the dragons would usually be found feasting. In there was one small girl that he recognised as Aletia.

"Oh, its you!" She called in surprise. "The wind told me someone was looking for me"

"Enough of your mumbo jumbo, where is your dippy boyfriend and his demented brother?"

"Oh, Zen went to a spa somewhere for the weekend"

Despite the annoyance seeping through Dav's veins an unmistakeable grin crept onto his face. "Was this an all expenses paid trip from a mystery spa?" Dav asked with a lighter tone.

"Um, yes. Why?"

Dav suppressed a laugh. "Your boyfriend has fallen into a deadly trap!"

"How is that funny!" Aletia yelled now reaching for a pan that rested on the table to the side of her.

"Back when I was invited on a chat show a woman tried chatting up Zen and hitting on him…"

"WHAT?"

"Don't worry, he refused her… But… she was an Amazon Woman… about seven foot with a hairy lip and a Nooky fixation…"

"Really? She set the trap up?"

"Yes"

"Wait, what is a Nooky fixation…?" Aletia asked Dav who flinched slightly and then sighed heavily.

"Well, when a man and a woman…"

Outside in the temple grounds and the surrounding areas silence ruled with nothing but the odd rustling of bushes to disturb the peace. However the silence was broken by a loud, high pitched scream… followed by a distressed teenager's shouting voice

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"HEY KID, YOU ASKED!"

Silence again followed for a few seconds and then the most sickening slap anyone could have ever heard… _SLAP._

**In Chase Young's Lair…**

"Did you hear something master?" Omi questioned his master.

"Yes Omi, it seems the stupid blonde traveller received one of the new wind dragon's… presents…"

"Ooh, a present? I too wish for one of these presents…"

"Omi, you do not, believe me my young apprentice"

"I never get anything!" Omi moaned

"How about a ball of string my Haylin apprentice?"

"Oooohhhh, my favourite!"

**Back in the temple kitchen…**

"Yowch!" Dav yelled while nursing his injured cheek. " I've battled demons who couldn't hit that hard!"

"Hmph"

"However, I can not let that slide kid. I'm gonna teach you a lesson…" Dav growled as he drew his samurai sword.

"You just did!" Aletia hissed.

"Not what I mean kid!"

Dav swung for her with his sword but Aletia proved to be much quicker. As she slid to the side of the deadly sword she grasped the pan handle and sent the cooking instrument swinging at Dav's head which connected directly with his forehead. _CLANG!_. Dav reeled backwards and almost tripped over a chair. Roaring in anger at being humiliated Dav charged for her again even with the effects of the pan stroke rendering him dizzy. He swung his weapon at her head drunkenly but she ducked and rolled under the large dining table that was in the centre of the room. As she emerged from under the table she saw Dav stumble forwards and insert his foot inside a giant pot accidentally. Still with the pot on his foot he slipped on the tiled floor and he was launched out of the kitchen's window. He landed on the ground under the window with a_ THUD._ Gasping in both surprise and amusement Aletia rushed to the window and glanced out to see where the blonde Balance had landed. His head was firmly stuck in a plant pot which he could not get free.

Standing up he sensed Aletia's presence at the window and with both arms extended he lunged forward to get her. However before his hands (that were grasping at empty air) could reach their target he head butted the top of the window frame with the pot still on his head (the other one also still on his leg). The pot rung in his ears causing him to moan from the pain and dizziness but it did prove to be a good thing. The pot on his head began to crack and then fell away off his head. However he saw Aletia again and shouted "AH HA!" in a very drunken like way but he toppled over backwards unconscious before he could do anything else.

A8A

The mysterious ship that the brothers Taijiya were travelling in had come to a stop at its destination. Both the passengers had however fallen into a troubled sleep after witnessing one of the most evil men in all worlds try his hand at cooking. The young Wolf man was the first of the duo to wake up and realise they had landed. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Zen stretched his legs to their full length and stood up out of his chair. He stood at the door of the ship and looked out at the spa they had arrived at. It was a simple building by design, like something you find in the holiday resorts of Spain. The walls of the three story house were a bright white just like newly applied plaster. The roof was a slanted one made out of orange tiles that would blind you if the sun was reflecting off it. A simplistic broken paving style path lead upto the house with gravel filling the space either side of it. A white picket fence also lined the path that lead toward the spa.

Leaving his brother behind Zen headed straight for the front door of the property and went inside without knocking. A small reception desk greeted him that had nothing on it apart from a small colour TV for any waiting patrons and a stack of papers that belonged to the staff of the resort. Noticing a bell on hiding under the papers Zen brought his hand down quickly three times to alert someone's attention. After waiting for a few minutes no one came so Zen tried again. But the same nothing greeted him. From behind him however a crashing noise grabbed his attention. Stood in the doorway was Zalak holding the full door in the air by the handle. Shrugging the demi-demon walked upto the reception desk and launched a volley of dark energy behind the desk and through the wall behind.

"That will get their attention…" Zen said sarcastically.

And he was right. A small skinny man with a bushy moustache pretty much ran from the room that connected to the destroyed wall and greeted the two darkness users with a courteous bow.

"Good afternoon gentlemen, my name is Enrique Hotsma, one of the owners of Casa Del Nooky. How may I help you today?"

"My name is Lord Zalak of Astanta where I rule over. I have a weekend booked at your expense because I AM SO IMPORTANT!" Zalak informed the man rather un-convincingly.

"Excuse my dim witted sibling, Zen and Zalak Taijiya are our names and you sent us invitations…"

"Ah yes, the competition winners… Yes, here we are. You have the deluxe rooms with us for the weekend, separate of course."

"Good…" Zen confirmed suspiciously.

"You have full use of our facilities without having to wait or queue…"

"Yes…"

"Without cost to you at all"

"Again, good…"

"Is something wrong sir?" Enrique questioned from behind his bushy moustache.

"I'm waiting for the contract we have to sign, hidden charges or a catch of some kind…"

"Very good sir, no this is no strings attached… well not yet anyway…"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Zen growled

"Oops, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud…" Enrique cursed himself.

"Oh shut up wolfy, it'll be good. We can trust him, I mean, look at that clearly not fake moustache!"

"Fine… for now…"

"Where do we go from here?" Zalak asked with a sense of intelligence (weird I know).

"Just through that door sirs!" The skinny man said as he pointed.

Zen headed through the door without question but Zalak remained at the desk to the man's puzzlement. Zalak watched for anyone else around and then handed Enrique the door he was still holding.

"Oh, err.. Thank you…" the host uttered in a confused way.

A8A

"Hey, watch the hair!" Dav moaned to his new travelling companion.

"Just get us to that place!" Aletia yelled in his ear.

"Don't worry, he will not do anything with anyone!" Dav tried to reassure the angry wind dragon.

"I know, but still… he may be in danger…" Aletia whispered

"DO YOU NOT KNOW HIM AT ALL?" Dav shouted in surprise.

"Meaning?"

"If Zen doesn't like someone, which is most people, he will kill them! I mean he nearly decapitated Tidus the first time they met!"

"Which one is Tidus?"

"The small blonde one who kept turning himself into a nine foot chicken" Dav replied with a grin.

"Why would Zen try to kill him?"

"Because he said you looked cute!"

"Really…" Aletia fell silent which scared Dav.

"Don't be getting any ideas about cheating on Zen you!"

Aletia however didn't respond to the frantic blonde, instead she stared out of the window at the stars as they whizzed by with a dreamy smile on her delicate face.

A8A

Zen suddenly flinched for seemingly no reason that made Zalak turn his head to look at his brother.

"What are you doing?"

"My Aletia is going to cheat on senses are tingling…"

"Wow, she has you well trained!" Zalak announced with a wide grin and a whipping motion with his hand.

"She does not!"

"Suuuuurrrrreeee she doesn't. Hey, that reminds me… Davey-chan hasn't showed up yet!"

"What do you mean?" Zen questioned his psycho brother while scowling at him that Zalak didn't even seem to notice.

"Every time we go somewhere he always comes and either ruins things for us or just gets in the way!" Zalak fumed.

"You mean he either ruins things for you or gets in your way…"

"Is there a difference?"

"Never mind you stupid…."

_Knock Knock_

The door to the room they were currently stood in creaked open and the small moustached clad man from the front desk stuck his head in. Zalak glanced at the door, saw the apparently floating head and jumped into Zen's arms in fright. Zen simply dropped Zalak to the floor and turned to greet the spa owner. As he began to talk to him a loud bang could be heard followed by another and then another as Zalak fell through the floor and then into the basement.

"Where did your brother go?"

"I don't know…"

"We must find him or the lady will be very displeased"

"Lady?"

"Why, yes, the lady Amazo… erm… the lady… luck, that's it. We are having a poker game and want to invite you two to play with us!" _That was very close indeed, the wolf boy is clever…_

"Nice cover up story" Zen commented with a fixed scowl again.

"Why thank you… oh shit… if you will excuse me I have to go and wash… my underwear…"

"I knew it!" Zen yelled in anger. "You are that idiot Andrew Thomas!"

"I am not an idiot!"

"You admit it then!"

"Oh hell"

"I will kill you!"

"I am afraid not my hot friend!

"Excuse me?" Zen asked feebly.

"The mistress is ready for you!" Andrew called as he pulled off his moustache and grimaced at the pain.

"Where is she?"

"I right here lover boy!" Came a deep masculine voice from out of the window.

Andrew ran out of the room and all four walls literally fell away to reveal that Zen was in fact stood in a room sized cage. As the fourth wall fell away Zen's worst nightmare was standing over the cage. She licked her huge fish like lips as Zen backed away slowly and against the opposite side of the cage.

"I have you now my love, together we will make lots of nooky!"

"I thought I got rid of you the last time!" Zen yelled angrily.

"No, run but can't hide my kitty boy"

"Oh, man, I am dead!" Zen moaned.

"I do to you many naughty things! Come to me my kitty boy!"

An explosion rocked the cage and the surrounding area as a Gummi Ship crashed to the ground just outside of the spa grounds. Aletia emerged from it with an expression that could kill fish and turn milk into cheese, yes it was that damn bad. She stormed over to where Zen's cage was standing and glared at the Amazon who was still staring at Zen with big lustful eyes. Dav stumbled out of the wreckage of his favourite ship as if he was drunk.

"I'm fine..." He mumbled to himself as he finally noticed everyone, including Aletia, staring at him. "What...? Hey, you trashed my ship you demon woman!"

"Who cares!" Aletia snapped.

"Well, me obviously you twit!" Dav retorted

"It was a piece of junk anyway!"

"Oh yeh? Well, you try and rebuild a broken ship on my budget! Ever since Tidus went whacky-happy with a wrench it hasn't been the same!"

"You're weird!"

"You drag me half the way around the damn universe to save a mutant dog in a cage from an seven foot lusting bitch? If that is normal then I am living the wrong life!"

"Oh, you think that is weird? Then how about you? Running around doing pointless tasks because your friend Sora gets all the interesting things!"

"Say what? You didn't say that I'm jealous of Sora? That is it, I'm out of here!"

Dav disappeared in a flash of light and Aletia was left standing near the cage with everyone staring at her for arguing with him.

"Nice going" A newly emerged Zalak hissed as he appeared from under the rubble of the house that fell on him AFTER he fell through the floors. "You drove away a potential ally who had warping powers and a ship!"

"Oops..." Aletia whispered.

"Mwahahahaha... I can just leave this world and back to Astanta like Spiky did!" Zalak mocked as he opened a dark portal. As he went to step through it a net was thrown over him by Andrew.

"Not so fast lover boy!"

"Oh no, not you..." The demon moaned.

However another flash of light blinded everyone and Dav reappeared with his Buster Blade and one of his guns drawn. He glared at the one half of Thomas Twins.

"You... I thought I killed you! Well, I'm going to make it permanent this time! HA!" He charged at Andrew who yelped like a scared dog and fled. Dav charged after him.

Zalak clawed his way out of the net and looked at the cage that Zen was still housed in.

"Ahem... A hand if you will..." Zen suggested angrily to his brother.

"Say please!" Zalak suggested back playfully.

"I am going to kill you when I get out of here!" Zen roared.

"IF you get out of there, see ya sucker!" Zalak walked off in the same direction as Dav had gone leaving a caged Zen, an angry Aletia and a very horny Amazon.

"Leave little one" The Amazon warned. "I have nooky to perform!"

Aletia responded with a fake confused look at Zen who shrugged and replied. "Nooky… you don't want to know…"

"The blonde guy told me… after some gentle persuasion anyway…"

"Oh… right…" Zen in his mind added Dav to his 'to kill' list in his head.

"Leave!" The Amazon bellowed as she lifted a club in the air.

"It's go time!" Aletia replied viciously as she stood ready to fight.

**Will Dav ever fully kill Andrew Thomas? Will Aletia survive her skirmish? Will Zalak ever realise that the world he is on has nothing more than that spa in it? And will Zen escape his cage and enact his 'to kill' list? Find out in the final instalment of Casa Del Nooky!**


	12. Casa Del Nooky Part 3

**Chapter 12: Casa Del Nooky pt3**

**Synopsis: The Amazon has attacked and Aletia is alone. Dav is hunting Andrew while Zalak is getting lost on the small planet Nooky… **

**Authors Notes: The last part, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. Aletia belongs to A.M.MC!**

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**On the other side of the world…**

"I swear I'll kill you Thomas!" Dav yelled loudly.

"Please don't, I'm allergic to being killed!" Andrew pleaded as he ran for his life.

"Well you'll be going to the doctors with a very severe allergy after I'm through with you!"

"How is that possible Spiky? If he's dead then he is dead… I've killed enough people to know that!" Zalak's voice came mockingly from behind Dav who had now cornered Andrew near a large rock.

"What the hell do you want?" Dav barked at Zalak without looking at him.

"To see you kill him of course!"

"Dav… I could help you… if you let me go…" Andrew whispered to Dav in his most alluring voice that still made Dav scowl.

"You have one minute…"

"Well, let me have my way with my dream boy over there… That way you will never see him again and Astanta will be safe from his ultra sexy evil… If you think about it, everybody wins!" Andrew said still whispering.

"Let me think about this…" Dav said aloud, catching Zalak's attention who was picking at his ear.

"About what Spiky?… Why are you looking ay me like that… Hey, put down that straight jacket… ACK!"

A8A

"I win sex kitten by smushing tiny girl!" The Amazon roared as she prepared to swing her club.

"Aletia run!" Zen yelled. "You can't win!"

"I can and I will!"

Aletia jumped on to the Amazon's club that had slammed into the floor as a result of it missing its target. The large hairy lipped woman raised her club and began to shake it around wildly. The wind dragon leapt from the club and perched on one of the Amazon's shoulders and yanked at her very long straw like brown hair. Enraged, the female behemoth drove her club downwards at Aletia stupidly and smacked herself on the head with all the raw power of an elephant (A/N and the smell…). Aletia yanked on her hair again and she repeated the whacking motion, each time becoming more dizzy.

"Why are you hitting yourself?" Aletia kept mocking the woman as she stumbled about drunkenly.

"Me no feel well…" The Amazon muttered as she began to sway backwards and forwards but Aletia didn't notice.

"Look out!" Zen yelled but it was too late.

The Amazon began to fall, the whole scenario going into slow motion. Aletia fell down quicker off the Behemoth's shoulders and landed directly in the path of the falling mound of woman. As she got closer to the ground a shadow appeared around where Aletia was lying unconscious. Before the huge woman landed a figure emerged from the shadow, grabbed Aletia and sunk back into it. Just as the mysterious man and Aletia disappeared the Amazon fell and caused a huge crater to open up as the ground shook. From inside the shadow that Zen's cage cast Aletia and Ashura emerged. Ashura seemed angry while Aletia was for some reason swooning over Ashura. Zen growled as Aletia gawked at Ashura who was starting to get uncomfortable.

"… My hero!" Aletia yelled as she latched herself around Ashura's waist.

"Do you mind! I have a reputation to think about, I am much older that you!" Ashura shot back worriedly.

"I don't care, it can be a forbidden love!"

"I will kill you Dragoon…" Zen uttered.

"Who said I was going to let you out of the cage kitty boy?" Ashura mocked.

"When Dav gets back he'll let me out!"

"Lets see… Dav is still off murdering Andrew Thomas… Zalak is just Zalak… Your girlfriend is very rightly falling for my warrior charms…and I just generally do not like you!" Ashura taunted. (A/N We don't see this side of Ashura enough do we?)

"Hey A, what is with this cage?" Tidus' voice came from the door to the large cage Zen was still trapped in. "Zen! Your trapped, hold on!"

"No, you fool!" Ashura yelled as he tried to run toward Tidus but Aletia was now holding onto his legs, making it impossible to move fast enough.

Tidus smashed the lock of the cage with the hilt of his sword and the door swung open. Zen exited the cage with an evil grin on his face usually found on Zalak's features.

"Tidus, thanks. I owe you one… Hey, does Dav keep his Buster Blade in the ship?" Zen questioned the young blonde.

"He does, want to borrow it?"

"Oh yes… I do…"

"Oh…. Damn…." Ashura muttered as Tidus dragged Dav's most deadliest weapon and handed it to Zen who lifted it with one arm as Dav would do.

"REVENGE!" He shouted angrily as Ashura got a head start.

Aletia meanwhile was now sat looking at Tidus and was making him feel uncomfortable. He scratched his head and then he gasped.

"Its you! The one who kept turning me into a nine foot chicken!"

"Your hot…"

"AAAHHHH CRAZY LADY!!" Tidus yelled as he hightailed it out of the there with Aletia in tow.

"HEEEEEEYYYYYY GGGUUUYYYSSSS" Dav's voice came echoing as he ran back to where the skirmish had happened moments before. "Hey, where is everyone… shouldn't Ashura and Tidus have arrived by now…"

A rumbling from behind where he was standing directed his attention to a very large shadow looming over him. A low growl escaped from its throat and Dav whipped both guns out and prepared to turn around.

"it's a zombie… it's a zombie…it's a ….AAAAAHHHHHHH"

The Amazon had returned to her feet and she now had a ghastly face (A/N Ghastlier anyway... Is that possbile?), a darker tint on her body and amber glowing eyes. She had become a Heartless.

"Nooky… Nooky… Nooky…"It groaned.

"Goodbye…" Dav saluted and zipped away as fast as he could with an Amazon Nooky Fiend Heartless following him.

**Meanwhile…**

It was black… nothing was around him. He felt like he had died and his spirit was floating free in the endless voids of space. Zalak groaned and tried to move but as he began to return to consciousness he realised he had been drugged and was now tied up somewhere. He opened one eye slightly and noticed someone dancing around in the room he was being held in dressed in nothing but a pink apron that thankfully covered the areas we wouldn't want to see. Andrew had a feather duster in his hands and a sick grin on his face. Zalak tried to act asleep but it was no good, his admirer had already noticed.

"You are awake at last my love!" Andrew chirped.

"What the hell?!?" Zalak spluttered. "You better not have… touched me…" He threatened while cringing at the mere thought.

"No, my love, no. I wanted to wait until you were awake so you can enjoy it too!"

"Oh… no… help…."

**Hope you enjoyed this three part instalment and I hope you review… Nah, I'm only joking, I wont leave Zalak in that kind of position… even I have my limits. **

"Dav let me have you forever!"

"He did what!??"

"Yes, my love, great isn't it?"

"Dav-baka will die!" He roared.

"Now, now. We have things to do… my sexy beast!"

"SIN CARNAGE!!"

"Oh, my love!" Andrew yelled as he and the room disappeared in a devastating dark elemental attack.

Zalak blanked out…

A8A

Zalak once again felt himself regaining consciousness and felt himself moving rather quickly from side to side and then up and back down again. _Should I bother to open my eyes and see what the hell is going on…_ Zalak in fact did and was surprised at what he found. Zalak was slung over Dav's shoulder who was jumping and running all over the place to avoid the Amazon Heartless' club. As the blonde warrior jumped onto the club and then over the Heartless Zalak noticed that on the Amazon Heartless' chest was a face that seemed strangely familiar.

"Love… Love…" It kept mouthing as the main head of the Heartless chanted "Nooky… Nooky… Nooky…".

"Spiky, what the hell is happening?!?"

"Aletia killed the Amazon and she turned into a Heartless and then when you obliterated Andrew, which I thank you for, his remains merged with her… It's horrible"

"Wow, where's Zenny?"

"Still trying to kill Ashura!"

"Good for him!"

"Concentrate demon!" Dav snapped as he threw Zalak to the floor and rolled to the side himself to avoid being squashed.

"I have a plan!" Zalak yelled as he stood to face the Heartless. He turned round and pointed his butt at it. "Look at this sweet can, you want it don't you!" He taunted.

"Nooky..." The heartless said as he reached for Zalak's butt.

"Now Spiky!"

Dav drew his sword and sliced through both its legs which caused it to fall backwards directly onto the Balance.

"ACK!" Came a muffled moan.

"heh…" Zalak laughed as a large heart escaped the Amazon's chest and rose into the air and disappeared.

The body faded away back into the darkness and Zalak looked at where his blonde college was now laid on the floor after being squashed. He was lying in a three foot deep hole moaning about Unicycle Riding Shadow Heartless. Zalak collapsed to the floor laughing as Dav started to get up and scowl.

"I… saved… your… life… and you laugh!"

"You had me kidnapped!"

"Yeah, that really worked didn't it..!"

"Aw, you love me really Dav-chan!" Zalak taunted

"Where is my B Blade…" He muttered.


	13. I Scream For Ice Cream

**Chapter 13: I Scream for Ice Cream**

**Synopsis: Zalak is travelling in search of Sea Salt Ice Cream and so he journeys to Radiant Garden, the new home of Dav Strife and the Restoration Committee… What will happen?**

**Authors Notes: Part 3 of Casa Del Nooky has bene posted! Enjoy this chapter starring your favourite demon, Zalak!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like too I do not own Ashura, Zen, Zalak and Orachron, they are property of MAS and Dark respectively. Sora and Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix and Disney.**

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Zalak walked lazily down a side street of Radiant Garden absent mildly whistling to himself. If he was paying attention he would have noticed the white cylinders following him down the street beeping every time a new one sprouted. Zalak stopped walking and gazed further down the street where the Market Square was. He grinned slightly and prepared to walk forward but two beeps later he was launched into the air by a cylinder of white, the town's defence system.

"Oh damn it!" The demon yelled as flew upwards.

A black blur shot up towards him from a rooftop and collided with him and sent him smashing against the stone path he had previously left. The resulting impact would have killed any normal person but Zalak is anything but. Pushing himself up with one arm he glanced ahead of him and saw the black blur shoot back down and come to stop before him. However it was a woman who was standing with her fists raised. Zalak rose to his feet and could only watch the woman tense up as he examined her. She shot forward again with a lightning fast fist to his gut and a forearm to his jaw. As he stumbled backwards she gave him an extra kick to the midsection that forced him to smash into a stone wall. His outline appeared around him as the stone cracked and gave way, sending him crashing through it and into the area in front of Merlin's house. The woman jumped through the newly created hole, over a grounded Zalak to the front of the house and stood ready again.

Zalak kicked up and glared at the woman in front of him who tensed up once more, a tell tale sign she was about to attack again. As Zalak predicted she launched a kick at his head but he ducked low, grabbed her extended leg and swung her upwards into the air. He followed her up and gave her two stiff punches to the stomach and then pressed both hands together and slammed them into her back which as you would think sent her falling downwards. However she recovered before she hit the ground, extended both arms and literally fell into a handstand. The descending demon didn't notice until it was too late and found himself on the receiving end of a double footed kick to his chest. As the woman's feet winded Zalak she pushed off the ground with her hands, flipped the right way up in mid air and pounded Zalak into the ground beneath her boots. Jumping off Zalak she landed next to Merlin's door and folded her arms over her chest watching the demon who was slowly recovering. She soon took a battle stance again as several Armoured Knight Heartless appeared and surrounded both her and Zalak who was now back on his feet.

Zalak, the woman and the Heartless were at an uneasy standoff until a third person entered the fray armed with a large sword, guess who? The spiky blonde haired warrior cleaved a large group of Heartless into nothing that were stood around him. He then thrashed out with the end of his sword almost like a spear and stabbed through many more of the sword wielding Heartless. As he was distracted with the larger crowd of Heartless a few stragglers launched themselves at his head with their bladed arms looking to score a hit. A second sword however deflected them and sent them all into oblivion. The crowd that was around the blonde was now gone, only the Heartless on the far side near the woman and Zalak remained. With a glint of coldness in his eyes the warrior dashed straight past Zalak and the black haired woman and slashed out at his sides with both swords and dispatched the remaining Heartless. He sheathed his second on his left hip and rested his much larger sword on his shoulder while loosely holding the hilt with his right hand. He brushed a strand of blonde hair from in front of his face and glanced at the two who were watching both him and each other out of the corners of their eyes in turn.

"Tifa, quite a mess you've caused with that wall" The blonde commented as he motioned towards the wall with a nod.

"That's me alright, always opening new paths in life for myself" The woman retorted with a smile.

"Very funny… have you seen Cloud around lately?"

"He was with Leon patrolling the bailey, anything interesting to report?"

"Not really, just doing the same old thing. Fight Heartless and getting paid for it"

"I'm not paying you for just now!" Tifa laughed.

"Aw man! Maybe I should ask before I kill…" The blonde reflected quietly which earned another laugh from Tifa.

"EXCUSE ME CRAZY WOMAN!" Zalak yelled from near the hole in the wall.

"Oh, right…" Tifa uttered in surprise, forgetting that Zalak was still there.

"What the hell are you doing here demon!" The blonde hissed towards Zalak.

"Well… Oof!"

Zalak was sent upwards by a backwards flip kick and then kicked back through the hole and back down the street where he began by Tifa.

"Nice work Tifa, I was watching you attack someone but didn't know who… but now I do. Why did you attack him anyway?"

"Because you told me to remember!" Tifa shot back with a grin.

"I did?"

"You told us all to treat him as a dangerous threat if we ever met him and so I did"

Dav just grinned and scratched the back of his head with his free hand.

A8A

"Damn woman and that stupid blonde…" Zalak muttered angrily as he sat up and looked around to find he had actually landed in the Market District.

However everyone had deserted the area when they saw him fly in, all except an oblivious old duck. Zalak hefted himself up and headed toward the old duck who was deep in thought as he stared at several tubs of ice cream.

"If only I could get me recipe just right… I'd make millions… hmmm…"

"Hey, duck face, I was just wondering…"

"Ack! Don't sneak up on me like that you fool!" the old duck snapped. "Oh, its you, I've heard about you…"

"Anything evil?" Zalak questioned him expectantly.

The only response he got was a tub of ice cream planted on his head as Scrooge McDuck waddled away angrily. As Zalak licked away the ice cream from around his mouth (and removed the rest from off his head) several sets of footsteps were thundering towards him. He turned around to find most of the Restoration Committee charging towards him with weapons at the ready (Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Leon, Aerith and Cid).

"There he is!" Tifa yelled while pointing at him.

"Oh hell, not again!" Zalak yelled as they chased him out of the area.

A8A

Zalak skidded around a corner after finally throwing off his pursuers and came to a stop. He rested up against a wall to catch his breath and spotted two teenagers sat on a ledge over looking Villain's Vale. In the hands of both teenagers were Sea Salt Ice Cream on sticks which they were slowly consuming while talking and laughing at regular intervals. Zalak grinned evilly and licked his lips. _At last! The ice cream! This will be like taking candy from a baby… well teenagers but still…_ Casually he walked up to where the two boys were and spoke in his most menacing tone.

"Alright, gimmie the ice cream and I might not kill you too slowly"

The teenagers however just ignored him and continued talking.

"I said… gimmie the… oh hell no…"

"It's the demon dude, ya?"

"Yeah, oh well, lets get 'im!"

_Of course that interfering know it all Dav is here so it makes sense his team is here as well… but isn't there four of them usually?_ Zalak's mental question was answered when he was clobbered in the jaw by a powerful fist with ten times the force of what Tifa could hit at. Up he went again into the air and landed with a painful thud. To add to his potential pain Tidus drew both of his swords and Wakka took his ball from off the ledge they were previously sat on and held it ready.

"FOR HELLS SAKE! STOP HITTING ME!" Zalak half yelled and half pleaded.

"Are you sure this is the same almightily evil demon I heard about?" Wakka questioned sceptically.

"Indeed… Be on your guard, leave him to me. I have fought him in the past and I stand a better chance against him"

"But I didn't do anything evil… today…." Zalak shouted angrily.

A flash of light blinded Zalak and caused him to fall backwards once again. Dav appeared as the light subsided and he realised that he was stood directly in front of where Zalak was and had blinded him.

"Heh heh… oops…"

"Perfect timing, we can get rid of him all at once!" Ashura stated

"Yeah, lets teach him for trying to steal our ice cream!" Tidus added which caused Dav and Ashura to stare at him as if his head had just spontaneously exploded.

"What? It's true" Wakka added which turned the two deadly mercenaries attention back to Zalak who was sat in place with stars dancing in his eyes.

"Stealing frozen treats from kids? You really are running out of evil plans" Dav taunted as Zalak was attempting to stand back up.

"But I'm not here to do any evil!" Zalak repeated angrily as he stomped his foot and nearly lost his balance again thanks to the lights still dancing in his eyes.

"You expect us to believe you demon?"

"Alright, first of all, stop calling me demon! Secondly, yes, I do"

"Well.." Dav began looking as if he was deep in thought. "…We don't so tough chocobos!"

"Fine! I'll take you all on!" Zalak yelled as he engulfed his hands in dark energy.

Ashura, Tidus and Wakka all prepared to fight but Dav simply stood behind them. All three guys charged and attacked Zalak at once. However Zalak was ready for them and sank into his shadow Wakka and Tidus collided with each other head on. They both fell back dazed and Ashura cursed inwardly at their rashness but this was distraction enough for Zalak who kicked him straight in his stomach and then gave him a vicious uppercut that sent him flying. Zalak stood above the three semi-conscious fighters feeling proud of himself. His attention was brought to Dav who had drawn Zantetsuken and was now standing with the sword held ready. Zalak steeled himself for another battle but Dav instead simply threw his sword at Zalak hilt first which the demon caught and smirked.

"Your losing it spiky. I'll remind you in case you forgot, you are s'posed to attack me with it, not give me it!" He mocked happily.

"Really… I guess I goofed…" Dav retorted while holding his right arm up with his palm facing Zalak. "Thanks for _enlightening_ me. I will be sure to withhold this _shocking_ information you are _supplying_ me with. There is a _storm brewing _in my mind after what you have said. Picking up what I'm saying?" Dav questioned with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Say what?"

"…Enough with the snappy word play Dav" Ashura grumbled as he picked himself up.

"Okay, fine. Zalak, its been _electrifying _talking to you…"

Ashura muttered incoherently as Zalak looked dumbstruck. But then it suddenly hit him as he looked from the metal sword in his hand to Dav and the sparks dancing around his open palm.

"You wouldn't…. would you?"

"We all know the answer to that Zalak…"

"Help…"

"THUNDAGA!" Dav yelled loudly.

Bolts of lightning rained down on the area and they all headed straight down the sword Zalak was holding. He convulsed as the electricity surged down his body and into the ground below. The magic stopped and Zalak collapsed to his knees while smoking and covered in a layer of ash. Dav walked off followed by his three friends and Zalak simply stood up and smirked.

"He will be the one shocked when he realised that I still have his sword…" He spoke aloud.

Zalak looked down to where he dropped the sword and expected it to be but instead found a very long sword that looked familiar.

"Wait a sec… Oh, hell!" Zalak yelled as he jumped off the ledge Wakka and Tidus where once sat and down into the crevice below as a flash of darkness appeared where Zalak was once stood. In its place was a very angry looking Sephiroth who was without a sword (A/N notice a pattern developing here?). The ex-SOLDIER picked up his beloved weapon and flexed his wing.

"The hunt has begun…"

He then descended after Zalak with a maniacal expression clear on his face and a glint on the tip of his sword.


End file.
